{"id":679,"date":"2025-07-29T12:34:56","date_gmt":"2025-07-29T16:34:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/?p=679"},"modified":"2025-07-31T08:34:49","modified_gmt":"2025-07-31T12:34:49","slug":"on-meeting-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/on-meeting-people\/","title":{"rendered":"On Meeting People Where"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe meet people where they\u2019re at,\u201d is a fashionable mantra in behavioral health and both the clinical and non-clinical helping professions.\u00a0 \u201cBut we don\u2019t leave them there,\u201d is the second part of this assertion, sometimes quoted, sometimes omitted.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

This mantra gives me the cringe.\u00a0 But why?<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

To help me clarify my position, I reached out on LinkedIn to Lisa Marie Ardner<\/a>, a wonderful trainer colleague with a rich history in coaching, psychotherapy, crisis intervention and trauma work.\u00a0 You can read the exchange on her profile posts.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

In typical Irish fashion, here\u2019s how I opened the convo:\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it about the ubiquitous phrase “meeting people where they are (at)” that gives me the cringe?\u201d\u00a0 I was deliberately trying to formulate a question in a way that would resonate with a seasoned MINT trainer such as Lisa.\u00a0 (Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers \u2013 you have to really know your stuff to become a member.)\u00a0 An awkward construction?\u00a0 Perhaps, but please give me credit for effort (\u201cGrade E for Effort\u201d).<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

\u201cWhere else would I meet you?\u201d I continued.\u00a0 \u201cThe diner? \u00a0My dreams? \u00a0Of course, if I’m a taxi \u2026 [I\u2019ll need to know the exact address].\u201d<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

Generous as ever, Lisa stepped up with this lovely response:\u00a0 \u201cIn recovery work, I look at this to be a “place” of honor and respect. Honor for the person’s readiness, their values, their experiences all without pushing, pulling or pathologizing them. It means having unconditional positive regard for people or compassion without conditions.\u201d<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

Where do I sign?<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

But, as a response to the disputed (by me!) mantra, I don\u2019t buy it.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

Why limit honor and respect to our clients?\u00a0 Surely these values are applicable to all humans, irrespective of their demographics or diagnoses.\u00a0 Surely, doing so is a fundamental principle of our lives: \u201cas you would that men should do unto you, do you also unto them in like manner.\u201d<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

If we do share the place of honor and respect with all of our fellow humans, what\u2019s the need to specify that we meet clients, and only clients (and their synonyms such as recoverees, participants, etc.), \u201cwhere they\u2019re at\u201d?\u00a0 Seems redundant.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

And, in effect, we\u2019re creating a ghettoized demographic of our actual\/potential clients.\u00a0 An unintended consequence or a confirmation of the status quo?<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

Hence, my cringe regarding the phrase \u201cmeeting people where they\u2019re at but not leaving them there\u201d arises from my sense that it\u2019s condescending and ego-driven.\u00a0 Just who do we think we are?\u00a0 An almighty ambulance service?<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

The mantra\u2019s self-aggrandizing formulation situates the speaker as the only agent in the engagement \u2013 the heroic \u201cI\u201d who orchestrates the relationship and determines the outcome.<\/h3>\n

Obviously, I can\u2019t accept this approach.\u00a0 It\u2019s the polar opposite of that partnership of equals which defines the coaching relationship:\u00a0 \u201cCoaches partner<\/strong> with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires clients to maximize their personal and professional potential<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 (International Coaching Federation<\/a>, 1997; emphasis added)<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

The mantra conflicts with my core belief as a coach that, in coaching, there are two experts present in the relationship \u2013 you are the expert on your life; I am the expert on mine.\u00a0 What the authors of the CCAR Recovery Coach Academy<\/a> describe as \u201ctreating people as resources.\u201d\u00a0 That is, irrespective of how it looks on the outside, I believe that people (including clients) know for themselves what it is they need in the here and now.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

The professional\u2019s role is to facilitate access to that knowledge, and to support the client\u2019s clarity of purpose and action, through skillful use of communication tools such as Motivational Interviewing.\u00a0 Thus, at all times, the locus of power remains with the client, not the professional.\u00a0 Where it should be.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

Surely, what we mean to say about our professional practices is that, in recognizing our common humanity, we strive to interact with our clients, colleagues, and the public with unconditional regard and on the basis of honor and respect.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

My sincere thanks to Lisa Marie Ardner for facilitating this exploration.<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe meet people where they\u2019re at,\u201d is a fashionable mantra in behavioral health and both the clinical and non-clinical helping professions.\u00a0 \u201cBut we don\u2019t leave them there,\u201d is the second part of this assertion, sometimes quoted, sometimes omitted. This mantra gives me the cringe.\u00a0 But why? To help me clarify my position, I reached out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":680,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,22],"tags":[20,19],"class_list":["post-679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","category-recovery","tag-recovery","tag-therapy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=679"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":758,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions\/758"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=679"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}