{"id":929,"date":"2026-01-06T21:06:29","date_gmt":"2026-01-07T02:06:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/?p=929"},"modified":"2026-01-19T11:29:29","modified_gmt":"2026-01-19T16:29:29","slug":"behind-the-cliche-what-are-we-really-saying-about-meeting-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/behind-the-cliche-what-are-we-really-saying-about-meeting-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Behind the Clich\u00e9-What are we really saying about meeting people?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cAt the diner, d\u2019you mean?\u201d\u00a0 This was my baffled response to the phrase \u201cmeeting people where they\u2019re at.\u201d\u00a0 Silly me.\u00a0 It\u2019s metaphysical, not logistical.\u00a0 (What did I know, a decade or more years ago?)<\/h4>\n

\u201cBut we don\u2019t leave them there.\u201d\u00a0 Was I talking to a car service?<\/p>\n

Reliable Meghann Perry<\/strong> \u2013 herself an experienced trainer \u2013 tells me that the phrase \u201cmeeting people where they\u2019re at\u201d originates with Jim Wuelfing<\/strong>, principal author of the influential CCAR Recovery Coach Academy, and the late Art Woodward<\/strong>, beloved soul and spirit of the Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery.\u00a0 Can\u2019t get more honorable or recovery-committed than the colleagues Perry characterizes as \u201cbrilliant humans who moved our field forward immensely.\u201d\u00a0 I agree.<\/p>\n

Given this provenance, I am in no doubt that the phrase\u2019s origins were not at all paternalistic.\u00a0 However, pushing twenty years later, it may be outdated.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it about the ubiquitous phrase \u2018meeting people where they are (at)\u2019 that gives me the cringe?\u201d\u00a0 I asked in July 2025.\u00a0 Exploring my own question, I continued, \u201cMy sense [is] that it\u2019s condescending and ego-driven.\u201d https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/on-meeting-people\/<\/a><\/p>\n

Digging myself in even deeper, I suggested that \u201cThe mantra\u2019s self-aggrandizing formulation situates the speaker as the only agent in the engagement. \u00a0The heroic \u2018I\u2019 who orchestrates the relationship and determines the outcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

This piece attracted a positive response among addiction\/recovery professionals. \u00a0\u201cI never liked the phrase as the assumption is that I need to interact with the person in a way different then I normally would,\u201d writes Colleen Frawley<\/strong>, cutting to the chase. \u00a0\u201cIt feels like a condescending reminder.\u201d (https:\/\/tinyurl.com\/LinkedIn-blog-meeting-people<\/a>)<\/p>\n

On the same thread, Perry continues: \u201cAs with so many things, this saying was well placed within its time, but our understanding of how the change process works, as well as the social and cultural contexts we operate within today, call for different aphorisms.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her observation about change gets to what Wuelfing and Woodward likely had in mind back in the day \u2013 that is, that (contemplation of) change is the stuff of the \u201cpeer\u201d conversation.\u00a0 We might even argue that their phrase anticipated the SAMHSA definition of recovery as \u201ca process of change<\/em> . . . \u201c (2011).\u00a0 Non-clinical role training, meanwhile, includes exploration of the Stages of Change model (Prochaska\/Di Clemente), a forensic dissection of how any change happens.<\/p>\n

As we know, the non-clinical professional\u2019s role is to facilitate clients\u2019 clarity of purpose and mindful action through skilled communication.\u00a0 We meet as fellow human beings: as a coach, I bring you my presence and my curiosity, no assumptions or agenda, no condescension.\u00a0 I ask only how I can help you with your recovery today.\u00a0 Thus, the locus of power remains with you, the client; our purpose in this conversation becomes whatever you say it is.\u00a0 In this way, we remove any opportunity for (however well-intentioned) patronization on my part.\u00a0 You leave me when the conversation reaches its conclusion, whether in an agency consultation room or a coffee shop.<\/p>\n

As we also know, language itself lives, and its usage and meanings evolve over time, the better to address whatever the communications needs of the present.\u00a0 In this evolution, we invent new words and phrases even as we shed what no longer serves.<\/p>\n

At this time, and in our professional practices, I would strongly recommend that \u2013 with all due regard and gratitude to its original formulators \u2013 we lose this pervasive but problematic phrase and the paternalism coded within it.<\/p>\n

Instead, we may now say that, in recognizing our common humanity and human potential, we strive to interact as helpful with our clients, colleagues, and the public, on the basis of compassionate curiosity, lived humility, and deepest respect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cAt the diner, d\u2019you mean?\u201d\u00a0 This was my baffled response to the phrase \u201cmeeting people where they\u2019re at.\u201d\u00a0 Silly me.\u00a0 It\u2019s metaphysical, not logistical.\u00a0 (What did I know, a decade or more years ago?) \u201cBut we don\u2019t leave them there.\u201d\u00a0 Was I talking to a car service? Reliable Meghann Perry \u2013 herself an experienced trainer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":680,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,28,22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-929","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","category-professionals","category-recovery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/929","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=929"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/929\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":943,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/929\/revisions\/943"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=929"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=929"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=929"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}