{"id":987,"date":"2026-03-17T10:40:19","date_gmt":"2026-03-17T14:40:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/?p=987"},"modified":"2026-03-16T22:41:27","modified_gmt":"2026-03-17T02:41:27","slug":"signposts-not-fixers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sobriety-together.com\/index.php\/signposts-not-fixers\/","title":{"rendered":"Signposts not Fixers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cDoing for others what they are capable of doing for themselves,\u201d is the classic definition of codependency, with the rider, \u201cAs a \u2018change-maker,\u2019 I feel better now that I’ve fixed somebody else’s problem.\u00a0 It’s a relief to have the situation under (my) control.\u201d<\/h4>\n

This is a massive delusion.\u00a0 It’s also classic narcissism.\u00a0 (“All about me!\u00a0 What a hero I am!”)<\/p>\n

Nobody \u201cfixes\u201d anybody else, and the only change we can make is to ourselves.\u00a0 For others, we may be signposts (resources\/recovery capital).<\/p>\n

Getting real, clients don\u2019t always do what I think is best for them: my lovingly generated treatment and recovery plans are so often ignored, and I take it personally.\u00a0 Client \u201cfailure\u201d is denounced as \u201cnon-compliance,\u201d while my frustration with the “non-compliant” becomes a major, but rarely acknowledged, cause of self-inflicted burnout.<\/p>\n

Speaking at the Syracuse Behavioral Health conference pre-Covid, the late Stages of Change co-creator, James Prochaska<\/strong>, spoke of how well-intentioned professionals default to wanting clients to be taking action.\u00a0 It\u2019s a comfort to us to know that clients are following our direction.\u00a0 But, Prochaska argued, this action step is actually Stage 4 of his person-centered model.<\/p>\n

According to Prochaska, the change process begins with Pre-contemplation<\/strong> (not thinking about a new automobile at all)<\/em>, proceeds through Contemplation<\/strong> (the upkeep on this automobile is getting expensive, maybe I need a new one?<\/em>) to Preparation<\/strong> (what kind of automobile would I like? can I afford it? could I do a trade in? who’s an honest dealer<\/em>?” etc.); all before taking the action step of handing over money and driving off in my new automobile (Action<\/strong>).\u00a0 Hopefully, I’ll still love it in 6 months (Maintenance<\/strong>).<\/p>\n

I use an everyday example here, following Prochaska’s belief that his and Carlo DiClemente<\/strong>‘s model maps out any decision from the life-changing to the ordinary.\u00a0 Try it and see!<\/p>\n

Simply, change is the client\u2019s process, not the professional\u2019s.\u00a0 We\u2019re deluding ourselves if we base our professional pride on compliance (\u201chow well\/poorly does my client follow my orders\u201d \u2013 yes, it can be faked), rather than evidence of that client’s increasing self-efficacy, which is the true purpose of our work.<\/p>\n

Self-efficacy likely takes longer to develop than directive treatment plans, especially in early emergence from active use.\u00a0 Like the mama bird sending her chick out to fly, it is, however, the approach that works to build recovery capital.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, we misunderstand what \u201casking for help\u201d means:<\/p>\n