Doom and gloom – that’s what we’re in for! Just listen to the doomsayers: “Addiction is a three-fold disease – Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year.” How often do we hear this “joke” in 12-Step rooms? (There are no jokes, said Dr. Freud.)
Well, shiver me timbers! Let’s just go into hiding in November and emerge deep into an unwelcomed New Year. That’ll keep us safe from using!
What kind of message is this for the newcomer?
The English poet, William Blake, refers to humanity’s propensity to “make a hell in heaven’s despite.”[i] We know that addiction is hell. But what about recovery? Are we recovering people living in Blake’s heaven or hell?
And, gallows humor notwithstanding, is it even true about the holidays? Let’s take a look.
Each of these maligned days expresses a profound human consciousness – of our relationship to our environment, of our deep need for each other, of the necessity for periodic renewal. This consciousness, spiritual as it is, can be seen in rituals across time and cultures.
What, then, are the principles underlying our major holidays?
| Holiday Event | Spiritual Principle |
| Thanksgiving | Gratitude – manifest in sharing the harvest |
| Christmas | Connection – manifest in exchange of tokens of affection |
| New Year | Renewal – manifest in celebrating the beginning of new growth |
Gratitude, connection, renewal – what’s not to love?
So the question becomes, how do we substitute the “heaven” of manifesting these spiritual values in place of the “hell” of a return to using? Can we approach the holidays from the perspective of faith, not fear?
Recovery is defined by the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) as, “a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.” (Emphasis added)
And there it is: “live a self-directed life.” Just as recovery is a personal responsibility, it is also our responsibility as people in recovery – 45 million of us according to latest SAMHSA statistics – to move the needle for ourselves and in our communities and celebrate the holidays as the “Holy Days” of our spiritual values.
Or, more prosaically, who’s driving the bus? Me or my addiction? That’s the challenge: heaven or hell?
The holidays may focus our minds but, if we adopt the recommended “one-day-at-a-time” approach to life, this challenge is also a daily practice: Do I wake up to gratitude for my abundant life? (Not abundant, you say? Take a look at your gratitude list for the day and tell us again that you don’t live in abundance – awake, alive, breathing, choices to make about the day’s activities, opportunities to experience the kindness of strangers, etc.)
Do I plan my day around connection? Recovery meetings, calls with others in recovery, integrity in my business dealings and interactions with others? And do I close this day with self-reflection and a commitment to repeating what I did well, repairing what I harmed, and hoping to live another day in gratitude?
If I live these recovery principles, I can celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year with joy. For myself, I give the gift of recovery; I prepare individual portions of holiday-themed foods to honor seasonal harvests and decorate my home for my delight; I may burn candles to honor the dark of winter and the impending return of light. In community, I can be of service in multiple settings and events, including recovery gatherings such as 12 Step Alcathons (on Zoom or IRL or both). With family and friends, I can be of good cheer, regardless of external dramas – yes, I’ll fake it if I have to! If necessary, I’ll have an exit strategy ready.
Bottom line: my experience of the holidays is my responsibility. I’m in the driver’s seat. I choose heaven “in hell’s despair,” an option also offered by the poet.
In the spirit of the season, please join me in enjoying happy holidays!
[i] The Clod and the Pebble (1794), https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Clod_and_the_Pebble
